her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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