When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
foreskin is a definite game changer
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
