We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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