worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
