I wanna bring you to show and tell
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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