Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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