I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
