i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
