I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
