So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
please come you make the beer taste better
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
