umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
