Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
FUCK WHALES
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
