On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
