My room smells like vodka and shame
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
