Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
