i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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