remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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