oh god the rape fog is back!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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