i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
