i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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