What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
