as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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