Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize