I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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