just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
