come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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