Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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