Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
