I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
