hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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