try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
