the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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