Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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