Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
