You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
