First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
