no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
