3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I supernannyed him into submission
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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