Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
