i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
