The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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