So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
