awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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