thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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