You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Randomize
