it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
