remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
