shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
