I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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