I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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