i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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