These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
