dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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