Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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