Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
