Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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