i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
