I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
