I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
