What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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