I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
