Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize