I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
