you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
