have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
