8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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