Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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