i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
