Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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