Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't deserve a penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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