I skipped work to stalk him.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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