Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
