I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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