I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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