we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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