do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize